while moving my mom into her new condo, i encountered many Completely Useless Items. i started mentally making a list of things i will never ever have in my home, because they are just so useless:

-special occasion dishes. my mom has an entire set of dishes just for christmas, with poinsettias and holly on them. for 364 days out of the year, they sit in the hutch. on christmas we pull them out, wash them, eat off them, wash them again, and put them away. because clearly using special dishes on his birthday makes jesus love you more.

-doilies. you know, those little white lacy things you put on coffee tables and the like so that you have something to move when you want to clean, and something to stain when you spill your coffee. doilies are dumb. and ugly.

-fake flowers. oh pretty flowers... they look so fresh... HAHA, no they don't. they look fake. because they are. there's not even water in that vase. what is this i don't even...